Why We Babywise

Over the weekend I got to talking to a friend of mine who is a fellow Babywise mom. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and we talked about our families and just motherhood and kids in general.

We ended up on Babywise some too because it’s something we have in common. Truth be told I think she is the only person in about 4 years of raving about this book that really adopted the method like we did.

Of course Babywise is not the only way to go and I certainly don’t think it’s the “right” way compared to others, I just mean it’s nice to see someone else say wow that works and we’ve loved it too! It makes me feel good for recommending it in the first place.

Hearing how great it has been for their family reminded of why I emphatically share my love for Babywise to all new parents. Just this past month I have raved about it to one new mom and lent my book out to another. This morning I got a text from a friend asking me for the name of the book so she could recommend it to a friend. I SO hope these new parents find it helpful!

With all this recent Babywise talk and the fact that I am expecting a baby next month, I was inspired to start doing some Babywise blogging. If you look back to my very first blog post I reference it even then. But with kids out of the newborn stage I didn’t feel like the timing was right to blog about it.

But now I am ready to write about WHY I get excited over Babywise.

Okay… excited may seem like a strong word when talking about navigating the craziness that is baby sleep. Figuring all that out is not an easy task and I expect figuring it out with my 2 and 4 year old hanging around will be a challenge. I’m not writing this post to tell about how easy breezy this was for us. It’s work.

I am excited about it almost as a person might be excited for their first day on a new diet or at the gym or even at back to school time with a challenging class schedule ahead of them. I know it won’t be easy, but I look forward to working towards the goal…if that makes any sense at all.

I know what it’s like to feel lost in the new mom scenario…and it’s not something I wish on anyone!

You see, the first two weeks with my first born I did not attempt to have any control over my days. I didn’t think I could with a newborn. I had a case of the baby blues and found myself crying often and even wondering why this bundle of joy wasn’t exactly bringing me the most joy! Then of course I felt guilt over that notion.

I’m pretty sure the “baby blues” were about to work their way out of my hormonal system anyway, so I can’t credit everything to Babywise here. But sometime around 2 weeks old, I decided to start implementing the methods of a book my aunt (a mother of four) had recommended.

It was a life saver.

My first impression was that even if this doesn’t work, I am SO thankful to have a road map for our days!

Because being without a map even for just those two weeks was not working for my personality.

I can remember sitting there that first day my husband went back to work (before trying Babywise). Sam was probably 5 days old, it was early morning, it was dreary and dark February and we had just had an ice storm so I couldn’t go on a walk or even outside, my car was in the shop for a week so I was literally house bound…

I looked at this tiny baby in my arms and I felt incredibly overwhelmed by what in the world I was going to do with him for the next 11 hours or so until daddy made it back home.

11 hours! I wondered….would he nap? If so when? Would he cry? (Undoubtedly.)What would his cries mean? Would I cry? (Absolutely.) Would I find time to shower? To wash dishes? (old house had no dish
washer…ah!).

Was this all overwhelming?! Yes!

I imagine I could have felt like that every morning for my entire maternity leave or longer.

But lo and behold I got that book out and I thought….let’s try this! And my husband was super on board.

And it worked.

Spoiler alert—Sam did his first 8 hour stretch of sleep when he was one day shy of 6 weeks old! By mid April that January 29th baby was sleeping 12 hours consistently without waking. And then it worked again with
our second baby! Tom joined the family on October 12th and even struggled with reflux but by Christmas time he was running like clockwork sleeping through the night for 12 hours.

I am going to save the nitty gritty details of the “how” for another post. For everyone who thinks it means I let the baby cry, that’s not it at all and I strongly recommend reading the book!

For now, I just wanted to share the “why.”

Why We Babywise:

1. Family Dynamic

We value our family dynamic. Babywise caught me off guard in the early chapters by telling me that it is a common mistake to bring that new baby home and make them the center of your universe.

Now if you’ve ever brought a new baby home, it seems pretty tough not to drop everything and let your world revolve around the baby, right? They have a ton of very legitimate needs, after all. Instead, Babywise said something to this effect and I have never forgotten it:

The new baby should come home and join your family dynamic as a new planet to add to your solar system (family system), NOT as the new sun that every other family member rearranges themselves to orbit around.

This is especially important in regards to your marriage OR if you ever plan to/or do have more than one child. It’s kind of impossible to have more than one center of your universe, right? Learning to all function together as a family where no member trumps the other is a neat idea that sounds like it would make for a strong family and strong marriage. I was sold!

I should clarify that this doesn’t mean each family member does not sacrifice and that changes won’t be made to accommodate the new baby. Of course life will change but it doesn’t mean your husband has to move to the couch or that you have to give up girls night, etc.

2. Structure

Structure is a good thing. Well, maybe not for everyone. I have seen wonderfully happy new mamas who are rocking it out at just doing something different every day and going with the flow. I am here to tell you I am not very good at being go with the flow all the time.

Because Babywise encouraged me to build a day time schedule for the baby, I was able to go and do as I pleased within the schedule and without having to sacrifice a nap and get our whole day off track.

I never wondered….hmmm can I risk it and run to the grocery store or will the baby melt down in hunger screams halfway through? Can we say yes to that birthday party my 2 year old just got invited to or will the baby be asleep? I knew the answer! I could schedule doctor appointments,
parent teacher conferences, cleaning time, MY OWN NAPS. Our days became routine and our family rhythm was built around it.

In this way I would argue that we weren’t a slave to the schedule, but that the schedule was freeing to us. This kind of day isn’t for everyone, though. Some people hate routine and that’s okay! I happen to thrive on it as a mom and luckily our family has too.

3. Understanding the Baby

Understanding our baby was key in feeling more confident as a parent. Babies cry for so many reasons. It’s the only thing that they can do! Sleepy cry, hungry cry, bored cry, gas pain cry. At first it’s anyone’s guess.

As we implemented the 3 hour schedule per Babywise, I could tell you exactly why the baby was crying in relation to the clock. 9:55 and baby is crying—hungry. 1:48 and baby is crying—tired. 5:20 and
baby is crying—ah oh, over tired!

That’s because our new babies ate at 7,10,1,4,7. (Plus dream feed and night wakings and give or take some cluster feeding in the evenings.) Seven, ten, one, four, seven. It’s ingrained and it’s been almost 3 years since I’ve had a newborn! Not only were those eating times constant, the nap times were too.

I didn’t have to be nervous about what to expect all day or what to pack in the diaper bag. I can remember confidently sending exactly 3 bottles to the sitter for the day and her nervously asking for a few extra just in case.

I grew up babysitting and I had a lot of families that could not begin to tell much how much or how often the baby may eat or sleep–each day was a mystery. That may have worked perfectly for them, so I mean no judgment. But I personally found it helpful that there was no need to stare at the little crying bundle and think what do you wannnt?! Because the schedule will basically tell you!

4. It’s Parent-Led

Babywise is mostly Parent-Led. This means, aside from watching the baby for hunger and sleep cues in relation to the schedule and feeding baby on demand at night, you are in control of the day! Remember when I felt like I had NO control and felt lost? A book telling me that I was the parent and I was allowed to set guidelines for my child really helped me.

Think about it—parents are expected to have their 5 year old kids in bed by a certain time to be prepared for kindergarten, right? And they tell their toddlers when it’s nap time, when it’s bath time, when it’s dinnertime, and so on. So why is it okay (and expected) to be parent-led in those days but it seems foreign to people to start out that way?

As Babywise preaches–start as you mean to go.

You decide when on bedtime! You wake the baby if they are going to sleep the day away. Don’t keep the baby up til 11:00 every night and think one day your 3 year old is going to just magically arrive at a 7:30pm bedtime. Putting in the effort in the beginning is well worth it, in my opinion.

My kids aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but they both take a nap every day and sleep roughly 7:45pm-7:00am with only minor to no push back about bedtime—that is the long term effect of a parent-led sleep environment.

5. Sleep

Let’s be honest, the main reason we Babywise is to get some sleep! All this work on a daytime schedule is meant to help babies develop that circadian rhythm as early as possible and start getting some good shut eye at night. Babywise taught me that a baby is not born with that ability.

Circadian rhythms and the production of melatonin happen naturally at or around 12 weeks old. But should that mean we don’t help the baby begin to understand day verses night prior to that? Babies are capable of staying awake after a feeding and falling asleep because they are tired and not just full. So shouldn’t we try that or should we only feed them to sleep because it’s easy?

You’ve seen a parent hold their young baby’s hands and “walk” them along even before the baby is technically ready to walk unassisted, right? So what’s wrong with “holding their hands,” so to speak, in preparation to learning how to sleep all night?

I think sleeping well is a lifelong skill, and one I am all about teaching if it means our family is well-rested and happy.

So, those are the main reasons why we Babywise.

There are about three dozen other ways to do it. I’m not here to tell you this is the best option or the only route. What I can tell you is that it was the best for us and I will always recommend Babywise to new parents as they try to navigate this life-changing stage of welcoming a baby to the family.

Our third is due in September and I plan to start a little Babywise section of the blog. For my first two I kept notes in a notebook for each day. Guess what—the majority of the days are NOT perfect. Instead, I had a goal and an idea of what I wanted our day to look like and that was enough for me. It gave me purpose and kept me excited for what the next day would bring in
regards to my baby’s new sleep abilities.

We had set backs, successes, good days, and bad. But just like with anything, it worked because we just kept going. In the event there are new Babywise moms out there looking for real life examples of how it’s going with say, a 3 week old, I’ll be sharing our journey with my previous babies and new baby in upcoming posts!