Why Formula Feeding Works For Us

I am five months into life with baby number three and two years into my blog and I’ve finally decided to attempt to pen my thoughts on being a formula feeding mother in today’s world.

“Fed is Best”, right?

Eh. They say that but you don’t exactly see a ton of talk supporting formula feeding moms in the way you see support for breastfeeders. And I get that–I know breast milk is superior to formula…its science and I’m not here to argue it. I just think that oversimplifies things, though. Because the choice to formula feed is way more complex than the nutritional benefits of two liquids.

My entire first pregnancy I was 100% positive I would breastfeed. I was naively confident about this fact. I simply knew I would be breastfeeding. The perks were so obvious I didn’t even consider there could be a con. It was a healthy option, a promoter of bonding, a natural instinct, a calorie burner, a money saver…

Why would anyone not breast feed?

Baby number one came into the world and I nursed him. And for a dozen reasons that aren’t worth listing lest they come off as excuses —it was not for me. It was so not for me. Wanting to be a good breast feeder and failing miserably was the biggest contributor to those baby blues days, for me.

I had wrongly assumed it would come as natural as anything. It did not. To be completely honest I hated every single second I nursed for that one month. And then I quit.

Quitting nursing came as a relief and a saving grace and I stopped dreading feeding my baby. Formula feeding was so incredibly easy my entire mood shifted as the weight was lifted.

Even so, it took me years to be able to tell a person I had quit breastfeeding without tearing up. The overwhelmingly popular opinion (not from personal friends, just society) that I had failed and not tried hard enough was really a tough thing to shake.

Unfortunately a lingering side-effect of praising women for their strength and dedication to breastfeeding is the guilt that comes along with the decision to formula feed.

In comparison to the perks for the former, the latter is not the heathiest, not natural, and expensive.

So I’d try again.

Baby number two arrived and I nursed him…and I hated it. I quit on day 5.

Ahh sweet relief ensued.

Baby number three arrived and I honestly questioned why I would even attempt something that induced post partum anxiety and doubt and dread like nothing else in the world…but I nursed him.

And I hated it. And I quit on day 3.

Instantly I got back into the swing and the ease of formula feeding that I have come to know and love and thrive with. This time I knew myself. This time I knew I was a good mother.

I definitely don’t mean to diminish the accomplishment that is breastfeeding. I won’t even begin to give you any excuse for why I struggled to nurse because other women have experienced it all as well and just kept right on going and been successful. I find that amazing and admirable.

But holding something in such high regard can paint the alternative in a negative light. Breastfeeding is amazing and so beneficial to baby, but that doesn’t mean the opposite is true for formula feeding.

It was not until my third time quitting that I could tell someone I preferred formula feeding without a wash of shame, guilt, or teary eyes. Without feeling the compulsion to explain it all, suggesting that I knew my choice was second best and stressing that I tried as hard as I could.

It has taken me five years to be confident in something that DOES have perks. (It has cons too, like anything.)

Here are some perks from my perspective:

Formula feeding includes dad (or others!) in the bond of feeding the
baby—yes it can be bonding time, even when a bottle is involved!

Formula feeding is nearly fool proof. There isn’t a learning curve or training involved. The bottle goes in the baby’s mouth and there isn’t a risk they are latched on incorrectly.

Formula feeding is gentle on a new mom’s mental health. Being solely responsible for producing the milk and getting the baby to latch can be a mountain of stress. Formula feeding doesn’t include this pressure.

Formula feeding is exact. Baby struggling to gain weight? Baby seem hungry right after eating? With formula you know down to the drop how much baby is eating each time you bring the bottle to their mouth.

Formula feeding is fast. When juggling three kids I struggled to sit down for 40 minute nursing sessions every two hours just wondering what my 2 and 4 year old were getting into. On the flipside when we switched to bottles he was fed and happy in 10 minutes or less.

Formula feeding is pain free. (No explanation needed!)

Formula feeding is convenient. No need to undress. Feed the baby right where you are, easily—church, restaurant, ballgame, the trailer hauling you out to the pumpkin patch, the Santa Claus train ride, following your older kids around at the local carnival—anywhere, no privacy or extra hands required.

Formula feeding frees mom up. Whether it’s time to shower, work, attend events for other children, etc.

Formula feeding does not require you to be on the clock since you are not the sole person able to feed baby.

Formula feeding doesn’t dictate mom’s diet. No need to cut out any food groups or that glass of wine.

For the moms who answer the question “are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?” with shame and fight back tears only to give a defeated answer–don’t. You are allowed to be confident in your parenting choices. You are even allowed to talk it up!

I like formula feeding. There, I said it!

Formula feeding works best for us for those reasons listed above and more. It just does. Many women feel that breastfeeding just works best for them–everyone is so different.

Overall, formula was the better option (for us) and I think it deserves to be defended not just as second best but as real choice with real perks that good moms are choosing every day.