Five Reasons I Resisted the Elf on the Shelf and How I Modified the Rules to Work for Us

Elf on the Shelf season is in full swing now and my social media feeds are again filled with their shenanigans and magical nighttime escapades.

I have been largely against the Elf on the Shelf since having kids but we have caved as of 5pm tonight with the arrival of these three– straight off the North Pole assembly line. Read on for why I resisted, why the change of heart, and how we rewrote the rules!

Why would a parent be against the magical joy of Elf on the Shelf you ask? Like most families who participate in the tradition always tell me when they hear we don’t do it—but it lights up their children’s faces every morning for a month!

I think most people have assumed I was against it due to the parental commitment but that’s really not it at all. I’d gladly take on a ton of extra work to facilitate Christmas magic. My husband calls me Buddy the Elf this time of year.

I’ve actually just been overthinking the whole thing for years and never felt like it was the right fit for us which sounds rather Grinchy of me. I got several responses to a recent Instagram story where I said I was caving and doing the Elf with our own rules. They were fellow non-Elf homes and they wanted my thoughts and wondered about our Elf rule rewrite. So here I am spilling!

I’m lifting a line from The Santa Clause’s Judy (the elf, not the waitress) to help with this one. She goes on to say “kids don’t have to see this place to know it’s here. They just…know.” I know times are changing but I have always enjoyed the concept that the magic of Christmas is so alive in children’s imaginations. I think for most households, the Elf just adds to that magic. For me, I’ve questioned why today’s kids need such in-your-face constant stimulation to be into something.

This goes way beyond Santa Claus and onto the fact that 4 year olds used to be entertained for hours with blocks but now need an iPad. The elf being in your home doing something new every single day just to keep the kids engaged enough to behave/believe makes me wonder: when did Santa Claus knowing when you’ve been bad or good stop being enough? Letting the magic exist in their minds in their own unique way is my preference. Is it possible it’s just all so simple?

(I know I know…it’s like when I gave my kids oranges from St. Nick and expected them to be as thrilled as Laura Ingalls was about it, times a-changing! But they did actually seem excited about the oranges!!)

Doubt.

My oldest son will be 6 in January and he has an awful lot of logical questions. I think we have satisfied his Santa questions because he believes. However, he has said a few times this year and last that he is pretty sure the teachers at school move their classroom Elf. Why the doubt about the Elf? I think some literal-thinking kids might have a harder time believing that a stuffed toy actually comes to life every night.

Is a sleigh pulled by reindeer far-fetched too….well yes. I know I am splitting hairs. But I guess it’s the whole alive/stuffed/alive/stuffed routine for me. At least Santa, tooth fairy, and Easter bunny are always living and breathing and not morphing all the time…

Bottom line here is this will be different for each kid but I have questioned whether introducing the Elf on the Shelf might actually increase doubt at our household, not prolong belief. It’s a slippery slope but I believed in Santa for a LONG time. I was 9 or maybe even 10. I’ve wondered if I had an Elf on the Shelf if the whole thing would have been over sooner because that Elf is not fooling any 9 or 10 year old.

The creepy factor.

Are anyone else’s kids unnerved that little stuffed Elves are springing to life all hours of the night and running around in the home? I think we are in the minority here but my kids are! Sam says “it’s just creepy” and Tom has been to the brink of tears asking how would he leave his room to go to the bathroom if “the elves are out” LOL! We aren’t shooting for any extra bed wettings this year so I’m taking this point seriously.

The risk.

I almost caved on the Elf last year which is when Sam really started talking a lot about how other families had them. Henry was born that September so Christmas season carried the risk of crying hungry baby waking up the kids. I feared that my risk of getting caught setting up the elf scenes was through the roof! My kids are good sleepers but they come out like any other kids on occasion for bathroom breaks, bad dreams, to tell me their arm fell asleep, crying baby….and so on. Christmas Eve night has me nervous enough, and an entire month of sneaking around is a lot.

The naughty/nice confusion.

Why does an elf (who was sent here by Santa to watch behavior) do naughty things? Of course your Elf on the Shelf doesn’t have to be naughty but the majority of scenes that I see are Elves pooping marshmallows all over the place or spilling things in the kitchen or making a general mess. In my house I add ‘Santa is watching!” to any desperate plea for them to clean the playroom and these messy elves are on Santa’s same team? That’s just an odd thing about Elf on the Shelf for me.

Does any of this even matter?! No… because we got Elves!

On the off chance that any fellow over-thinker had my same concerns, here is how I broke all the rules to make Elf on the Shelf a better fit for us.

First I was inspired by a mom on Instagram who said they chose not to follow the rule about how touching the elf ruins its magic. I thought…I am totally on board with that. What fun is a toy you can’t touch?! And we have a baby who doesn’t understand so our elf would have been magically challenged from the start.

Next I was inspired by my own kids. As we continued having Elf discussions and they continued telling me ALL their friends have one, I finally just told them they should ask Santa. Just because I clearly have a lot of Elf issues, I wasn’t going to let them think Santa was excluding them.

What they came up with was hilarious.

They wrote to Santa asking for an Elf that did NOT ever come to life.

This is around the time I heard them both insist it was creepy and learned of Tom’s fear of potty breaking among Elves. At first I thought…okay we’re getting Elves but it sounds like they’ll be a bit boring!

So I came up with a small way to make it fun. In our letter from Santa he verifies that these Elves are just toys with some Santa magic in them but not enough to ruin by being touched. He stressed to my boys to have no fear as they do NOT come to life (Tom still CRIED in fear of their little beady Elf eyes but he soon got over it and plans to sleep with Comet) but they do monitor behavior and have a special connection with Santa.

We even have to send them back right after Christmas for a magic tune up!

They arrived in a box on the front door straight from the North Pole. Elves that don’t come to life can’t just put themselves up on a shelf so this is the only way I saw possible.

Finally, just so we can have a little fun, Santa added a post script to his letter that said if we leave the Elves by the fireplace over night, notes from Santa will appear! That’s enough to light up my kids’ faces in the mornings and the Elves don’t even have to be alive to receive the mail!

My plan is to reach out to their teachers to maybe add some things in the Santa notes that I couldn’t possibly have known. Yay Christmas magic!

So if you are anything like me on this whole Elf decision…I just wanted to share how we’re doing something that differs from the Elf on the Shelf rule book and still works! The kids are warming up to Comet, Mistletoe and Max right now and are pretty excited.

Also if you are full on team Elf and that crazy little Elf on the Shelf is bringing all the Christmas joy to you and your kids every day in December…I am enjoying your posts!

Who knows, maybe next year will upgrade to morphing Elves.